Today I didn’t attend Church, recently I will take any excuse not to go and today I was handed one on a plate. This Sunday was the Sunday I was dreading for a while, the day our Pastor focused on love with Valentine’s Day imminent. Love between two people is a difficult subject for me during a Church service because how I love is what they hate.
My decision not to attend caused a conflict in my mind …. My anxiety was a lot easier to control than most Sundays and I felt much happier within myself during the day after not subjecting myself to sit in a room with people who despise me. On the flip side of that I felt a bit lost, for want of a better word, I find hearing the Word grounds me and prepares me spiritually and mentally for the week ahead. I read scripture and prayed this evening at home but its not the same as listening to the Word of our Heavenly Father come to life through someone else ( a Pastor ).
Now that’s where I hit a brick wall with my thoughts, I love my Church and attending to hear the Word, worshiping the King Of Kings but the people make it impossible for me to give myself fully and truly enjoy it. Sometimes it feels like I have the eyes of those who dislike me on me, staring at me and it feels like they’re looking right in my soul and thought process …. dark, right ?! Well if that was off putting for you to read imagine how it feels to experience it every Sunday by those who in the scripture of our Saviour are commanded to love.
To those who choose hate over please remember God’s word in Proverbs 10:12 ….
Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.